나도 쓰기 시작한지 일주일쯤 됨. 7일중 3일 씀. 쓰고서 지피티 한테 첨삭 받는데 간단한 평문 같은건 시제 정도만 지적 받는데 문장 좀 길어지거나 새벽감성으로 쓰면 지적 와장창 받음ㅋㅋ. 잼따. 그 외에도 시간 나면 영어 오디오북 듣는데 잼따.. 영어공부 틈틈이 해야지.

아래는 내용..

위가 첨삭전 아래가 첨삭 후 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

2025-05-03

Today I listened a fairytale which’s name is “Frog And Toad Together”. In the story,I’m not sure though ,Toad and Frog struggled to stop eating cookies. Eventually they dumped cookies away even though they wanted to eat more. And then they said about ‘will power’ which means the power that makes someone forbear what they really want to do. It was simple but had great meaning to me.

Why the will power comes to me huge? That’s simple. My entire life was just thirsty of willpower. Whenever I follow It. It leaves away.

I’m always afraid with starting something. So time leaves away. And then I’m scared more and more. Always same way.

⸻

2025-05-03

Today, I listened to a fairy tale called Frog and Toad Together. In the story—although I’m not entirely sure—Frog and Toad struggled to stop eating cookies. Eventually, they threw the cookies away, even though they wanted to eat more. Then they talked about willpower, which means the ability to resist doing something you really want to do. It was simple, but it had a deep meaning for me.

Why does willpower feel so huge to me? It’s simple. My entire life has been thirsty for willpower. Whenever I try to follow it, it disappears.

I’m always afraid to start something. So time passes by. Then I become more and more afraid. It’s always the same pattern.

⸻

문장 하나하나 설명드리면:

• “listened a fairytale which’s name is…” → “listened to a fairy tale called…” (동사 ‘listen’은 ‘to’와 함께 쓰이며, ‘which’s name is’는 구어체로 너무 길고 어색합니다.)

• “Eventually they dumped cookies away” → “threw the cookies away”가 더 자연스러운 표현입니다.

• “the power that makes someone forbear what they really want to do” → “the ability to resist doing something you really want to do”로 표현하면 더 매끄럽습니다.

• “Why the will power comes to me huge?” → “Why does willpower feel so huge to me?“로 의문문 구조를 자연스럽게 고쳐야 합니다.

• “Always same way” → “It’s always the same pattern” 등으로 완전한 문장 형태로 다듬어야 합니다.